Eating Disorder Recovery & how I became Body Positive

Kristina Follis
Feb 18, 2019
3 min read

I’m spreading NEDA awareness all week! NEDA stands for National Eating Disorder Awareness. Did you know that Eating Disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness affecting 30 million Americans at some point in their lives? This problem is real and the world needs to know.

As women we’re conditioned to believe we’re not enough almost as soon as we’re born. With body trends changing every half decade it’s become increasingly confusing and stressful to manage. I was 10 years old when my eating disorder first manifested. I found myself looking at my photos and comparing my body to skinny women. I’d dream of loving myself and being thin. I thought I was gross because of my thick thighs and natural curves, so I saw my body as a curse instead of a blessing.

Eating disorders do not discriminate. For me it was Binge eating, which lead to weight fluctuation and then inevitably the infamous freshman 15. Before, sports kept my body dysmorphia at bay, but also masked some very big issues. When I decided to stop playing soccer the mask faded and I decided to take control.

Fast forward...I actually did it! I went on a diet!!!! I lost 50 pounds and took control of my food…. or so i thought. My main motivation, other than being healthy, was to look “skinny.” I thought skinny meant happy. I achieved that look, but happy didn’t last. I’d become obsessed with my weight, counting calories, and working out 3 times a day. I’d feel guilty if I slipped up even once and God forbid I eat a slice of pizza or ice cream. Diet culture was a gateway drug down yet another rabbit hole into my eating disorder I knew nothing about. I’d gain weight, hate myself, my body, leaving me unhappy and angry.

I am now in recovery focusing on being happy with my body and fueling it with nutritious options while still enjoying the foods that I love. I’ve only been aware of my eating disorder for a few years and actively trying to recover for less than two. Recovery doesn’t just happen, it’s an ongoing process. It took 2 panic attacks and a year of mild depression to realize that I am not my eating disorder. I realize now that I am beautiful at any weight and each day gets a little bit easier. I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but I know that self-love is one of them.

HOW I AM RECOVERING?

Donated clothes that didn’t fit
Stopped focusing on the scale
Stopped obsessing about calories
Bought clothes that fit
Started walking 15-30 minutes a day
Started practicing positive self-talk
Purged my social media of negative triggers
Balanced my “diet” without restricting my foods
Started a conversation about my E.D to friends and family.
Listened to empowering podcasts
Invested in my mental health by seeing a therapist.
Joined an empowering Women’s Group

PRACTICE SELF-LOVE

I KNOW I’M NOT ALONE. AND NEITHER ARE YOU!

There’s no right way to recover, but I hope this encourages whoever’s reading this to begin their own journey to recovery right away. We are all worthy of love and happiness no matter what number’s on the scale or what size we are. We are beautiful and we are strong.

NEDA invites you to “Come as You Are” and join this important conversation.